Thursday, September 15, 2011

A Closet Christian

Recently I’ve time and time again been presented with the choice of being authentic, or being liked. I’ve chosen the latter…all the time. It’s not something I’m proud of. What comes along with the desire to be liked is aiming for the middle ground, not too high or low, but just enough to blend in. In the end you sell out: you sell out your beliefs, your morals, your values, and everything that matters so deeply to you (secretly).

I find myself as a closet Christian on campus. I veer away from even mentioning the name of Jesus because of what I know may be coming to me. Just the other day in class Christians were mentioned in relation to the design field, as having a ‘Christian design practice’, and the class erupted in laughter. I know I should expect to be misunderstood as a Christian, for heaven’s sake the person we Christians take that name from (Jesus Christ) was misunderstood and mistreated. It’s just hard to be surrounded by people who are making a laughing stock about what you hold most dear to you. It cuts deep man, real deep.

I really don’t know where to go from here. Only that I know I want to hold onto truth whatever the cost, and it’s going to hurt. But I desire to live not just for my own personal happiness, goals, dreams, and aspirations, but for a higher purpose.

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